Ahhh the Bagel. One of the greatest creation known to man. This doughnut like bread is no mere combination of simple flour, eggs, yeast, butter, and water. What makes it different from normal bread is that, there is a secret ingredient added when making it. And that ingredient is awesome sweat. You see, when bakers make these bagels they do other awesome stuff first, like sky diving, bunjee jumping, crocodile wrestling, archery, painting, and sometimes parasailing. Then when they are all reeking with awesome sweat, they start making the dough.
Bagels are high in calories, it's the bread with the highest calorie level. Why? Because the bakers who did all the strenuous activities transfer the calories that they burn into the bread which is then passed on to the consumer. It's weird like that.
Bagels are so awesome that in the Pacman game, the shiny balls there, when you look at it using a microscope you can clearly see that it's a bagel with philadelphia cream cheese on it. So when you eat it, your Pacman goes berserk and devours the filthy bitchin squid looking bastard enemies in the game.
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